Let’s get clear on one thing from the start: Self-care is not about being selfish. This is an especially important tip for women. Self-care is things you do for yourself to take care of yourself. So that you show up mentally calm and centered and care for yourself and others. While also doing all the things you must do well in your daily life. I don’t know about you, but after thinking about all I must do in a day, I’m already exhausted!

And lately, all I hear about is self-care. This makes sense, as Google Trends reports that searches for self-care since 2016 are up over 200%. This begs the question – so what is self-care and why is everyone searching for it?

After reading this article, you should be able to answer the following questions:

1.  What is Self-Care.

2.  How to Know if You Need Self-Care.

3.  What Are Some Types of Self-Care.

4.  How do I Start a Self-Care Routine.

5.  How Self-Care Benefits Women. 

What is Self-Care

Self-care is defined as “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress”. Amen to that! The Oxford Dictionary added the term self-care in 2017. So If this is your first attempt to find out more about it and how it can benefit you in your marriage welcome to the club!

When I first dragged my exhausted, resentful, and unhappy self to a relationship coach to fix my marriage, I was shocked to learn that my lack of self-care was contributing to my relationship’s undoing. HUH? I’ll explain to you the way I learned when this concept finally resonated with me.

Self-care is just like being on an airplane. The flight attendant gets on the PA system to explain what to do in the event of an emergency landing. You are told that oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat. They instruct you to put the oxygen mask on so you can breathe regularly. AND next is the really important part, so pay close attention! If you are traveling with a small child, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting another with their mask.

This is the same concept behind self-care. If you don’t get yourself some oxygen first, you won’t be able to help anyone else, including yourself. 

How to Know if You Need Self-Care

OK so if you aren’t in an emergency landing situation, how do you know if you need self-care? At first, I didn’t see the signs. I felt totally fine. So yeah, I was a grumpy, stressed-out wife and mom. I felt anxious and exhausted a lot, which seems normal. And yes, I could get angry fast and have an outburst (my kids used to call me Mommy Volcano – so embarrassing now). But did this mean I needed self-care?

In fact, I did. Checking in with myself and what I might need was something I never considered before. Self-care involves the process of regularly checking in with oneself. Asking yourself some key questions is a great place to start.

1.  How am I doing?

2.  What am I feeling?

3.  What do I need right now?

Keeping the focus on yourself is essential. Self-care is an individual journey. What is self-care for you might be totally different for someone else. What is self-care for you one day might not be the same self-care you need another day.

What Are Some Types of Self-Care

There are three different types of self-care. Knowing this allows me to choose what will work best, depending on what’s going on with me. Below, I’ve listed the three types of self-care with some examples for each bucket. Emotional, Physical, or Spiritual.

Emotional self-care – checking in with what emotion you are feeling several times a day, saying “I can’t” to things that would cause stress, permitting yourself to take a time-out, or grabbing a coffee with a girlfriend to talk.

Physical self-care – taking a nap, going for a walk in nature when you need to clear your head, getting into a regular exercise routine, dancing around the house to your favorite songs, taking a bubble bath.

Spiritual self-care – meditating, worshiping or praying, keeping a gratitude journal, reciting positive affirmations/self-talk to yourself, or waking up in the morning and making your first thought a positive one before your feet hit the floor.
 

How do I Start a Self-Care Routine

I love this question. For most women I coach, once they learn about self-care they understand the need for it. However, starting and staying consistent in a  self-care routine is still a challenge. What typically gets in the way for them is their limiting beliefs. These limitations usually manifest in two ways. The first is they feel they can’t afford it. With so many time-consuming responsibilities or limited budgets, they rationalize that they don’t have the time or money so they go without. The second limiting belief is that they don’t deserve it. Why should they need a reset they should just through life and handling the stress without needing a break.

I find that these two limiting beliefs, once closely examined through coaching, can be moved aside so that nothing gets in the way of their self-care. We as women are so used to giving to everyone else first, solving their problems, and tending to their needs. We end up just like the flight attendants warn us against, putting someone else’s oxygen mask first before ours. We then are no good to anyone including ourselves.

So start off by making your list of things that would make you happy. As you begin, aim to do at least one thing on your list per day. Set a goal to work your way up to three self-care items per day. Check-in with yourself regularly and assess what is working and what isn’t. Experiment by adding new things to refine it. Learning to care for yourself properly takes time, but consistency is your goal, and becoming joyful will be the payoff.

How Self-Care Benefits Women

I now have shifted my self-care from non-existent, to temporary, and now enduring. I prioritize my self-care and reap the benefits of my self-care routine. My mask is on and I’m getting oxygen. This makes me better equipped to manage whatever stressors come my way and still show up happy, open, and connected.

Today understand that I set an example for my husband and family of what a well-cared for person looks like. Showing others how you treat yourself teaches them how to treat you. As a result, I have a calmer home, a happier spouse, and children (the Mommy Volcano left the building).

I love that you are curious and courageous to ask yourself how to start a self-care routine. I can’t wait to hear about the amazing changes you are going to experience. If it’s a fit for you, feel free to send me your self-care list. I am happy to be your accountability buddy on this journey!