If your relationship is in a place, where simple discussions about everyday topics turn into explosive arguments? If so, you’re not alone. You might be thinking “I don’t know how to communicate with my husband”. It’s really exhausting to be in a relationship where effective communication isn’t flowing easily. AND sometimes it’s unavoidable not to have fights in your relationship. So what can you do to communicate better with your husband in a way that doesn’t start an argument, while still having your needs met?

I know for me, there were times when I‘d start a discussion something like “Don’t you think it’s a nice day today”? Somehow it would turn into a really tense discussion or possibly a fight. I mean seriously, who gets into a disagreement about the weather outside?

I was desperate to figure out how I could live in a relationship where I couldn’t communicate openly with my husband about anything at any time. Some days there are so many things to discuss especially if you’re both working and have a busy family. I knew I needed to figure out how to get my husband to communicate with me better.

Here are a couple of tips on how to ease into these discussions and not end up in a place where you are defending yourself in a disagreement you didn’t want or see coming.

1. Improved Communication tip #1

At the beginning of my relationship, I might have innocently started a conversation by saying something like “I want us to go to my parent’s house for dinner tonight?” Initially, this conversation was usually met with a response like “of course “. As time went on this tactic wasn’t getting the same reaction and sadly an argument would start. The unfortunate truth about the above question is that there is an implication about what you want “US” to do. That one innocent little word doesn’t allow for your partner to express himself freely without the fear of disappointing you. 

2. Improved Communication tip #2

Even if we flip that same conversation to “Can you come with me to my parent’s house for dinner tonight?” You might get an easy answer from this, but you might not. This question has an assumptive tone present and it’s all contained in the word “YOU”.  It’s difficult for a partner to respond to this honestly because it’s already expected how he should answer. 

3. Improved communication tip #3

What I know now is what an adored wife does that frees her partner to respond as he wants and inspires his inner hero simultaneously. Now I just let my husband know what would make me happy, and that’s it. So I say “I’d love to go to my parents for dinner”. Do you notice what is missing from this conversation starter? It’s the words “US and YOU”. What’s different about this example is that it’s all about me. This statement is something that I would like. My partner isn’t required to fulfill, participate in, or provide in this statement. I also know now that if my husband says he doesn’t want to go that I should accept his answer. This is him doing what’s best for him and wanting me to do what’s best for me. I should still go by myself if he doesn’t feel like it and be happy. We are still both getting our needs met, and this is known as a relationship win!

When I can start a conversation with my husband that’s not filled with either a veiled demand (US) or a hidden expectation (YOU) he’s free to answer what’s in his best interest. Ultimately, it’s in mine also. Plus I’ve come to notice even if he says he doesn’t want to come to dinner at my parent’s by the time I’m ready to leave, he’s already in the driver’s seat of the car, he’s decided he is hungry and does want to go. And I’ll take that any day of the week that ends in Y over having an argument.

Is there an example in your relationship when an argument started or a topic of conversation you want to discuss that continually starts a fight? Would you like to learn how to communicate with your partner while eliminating arguments? I’d love to hear from you and how I can support your vision!