As many couples do when their relationship starts heading south, they contemplate their options. It is really hard to admit that you have a broken relationship that needs fixing, There is so much shame and disappointment involved. If there are children involved it is even more scary. It makes sense why some couples don’t seek help and end up separating or divorced. Not knowing what to do or what will work can be overwhelming, So what is one to do if you find yourself wanting to know how to fix your relationship?

Please know that there are specific skills you can learn to be happily married. While these skills are not widely known (or else why would the divorce rate be so high) – they exist and can transform relationships for good. Let’s explore some of the choices below so you are informed and empowered about your options. But first, let’s uncover some mistakes couples make that prevent them from seeking help to save their relationship.

Why Most Couples Don’t Save Their Relationship

It is commonly believed that as much as 50% of marriages end in divorce by the 7th year. What is shocking is that less than 5% of divorcing couples choose to get any type of help. The Gottman Institute finds that the average couple waits six years before seeking help for their marital problems. These are some fairly depressing statistics for those who are in relationships and want to stay married.
My firm belief is that there is a lack of knowledge, yet an abundance of confusion on how to repair and save a relationship. In this environment, people feel alone, yet statistics prove they are not. Think about if you talk to two married people today there is a 50% chance one of them is also going through relationship drama. We need to start to share our stories and knowledge about how to prevent a breakup, separation, or divorce. What options are available to couples who want to fix their relationships, and what methods work best?

Talking to Friends or Family To Fix Your Relationship

This is most likely everyone’s go-to first option. It makes total sense that you would reach out to those closest in your circle on how to fix your relationship. Those in your tribe love you and your partner and want to support you in keeping your union together. While your inner circle is well-intentioned with their advice, they may not have the marital skills needed or a proven methodology you can replicate for success. Plus, if you are sharing things your other half did to slight you and you do end up staying in your marriage, how will these friends or family members feel about your partner once you’ve aired your dirty laundry?

A woman I’ve coached told me of a girlfriend, who after months of hearing her relationship woes, told her just get help or get a divorce if she wasn’t going to take her advice. What would you do then? Now you might lose your friend and your relationship. None of these are reasons to not reach out to friends or family. You must always do what you feel is best, but here are some other things to try.

Do-it-Yourself Relationship Repair

It couldn’t be any easier than now to turn to Google search and pop in the question “how to fix my relationship” and endless pages of search appear. There are many places you can turn to find help, but where and who to trust? Also, is do-it-yourself something you can do alone, or will you have enough time left in your relationship for this to work? It is also difficult to know if you are doing the things you are learning the right way.
When I began searching for help to repair our broken union I tried the usual self-help avenues. Relationship books, scouring the internet for answers, and listening to podcasts. I found a lot of information, but after all of the hours I spent I still was no more skilled than when I started. Now I just had less time and money. After these quick fixes didn’t help and things were getting worse, my desperation grew. I knew I needed help and thought maybe hiring a person or expert would help repair my relationship.

Marriage Counselor’s and Therapist’s Approach to Fixing Your Relationship

Traditionally, a licensed marriage counselor or therapy professional works with you and how to address problems with communication and conflict resolution. You spend your time talking about your past, your family, etc. The goal is to talk your way to a better level of understanding and relating by understanding your feelings, moods, thoughts, and behaviors.
It is important when seeing a therapist, to determine if you have the time to start at the beginning of your life and work forward until you can address present-day issues. Will your partner also want to sign up for this commitment? This can be time-consuming and expensive. Also, it is important to understand the therapist’s or counselor’s track record for creating happy marriages and avoiding breakups.

I convinced my husband we should go see a marriage counselor to help our relationship. We both were full of hope that someone could help us figure out our relationship struggles. As you’d expect, the counselor patiently listened to our differences and told us we were hiding our real selves from each other. When we questioned what that meant and how we could fix it, she launched at my husband about how he had unrealistic expectations, that I was way too passive, and let him get away with too much. Unfortunately, we both decided not to go back to counseling after this first meeting as we couldn’t see how this method would save our union. This was another attempt to fix our relationship that left me lighter on cash, but heavier on despair.

How Relationship Coaching Can Help Improve Your Relationship

Relationship coaching is often guided by someone that has gone through a relationship coach training program rather than psychological education. Coaches train by helping others overcome day-to-day obstacles interfering with their lives. You and your coach work as a team to meet your relationship goals. Since relationship coaching is an alternative therapy, research about its success is just starting to point to its positive outcomes for those seeking help.

Relationship coaching focuses on solutions rather than dwelling on the past. This provides for a goal-oriented approach, where challenges are identified, goals are set for achievable improvement, and a plan is created to accomplish these goals. The technique is focused on your specific challenges, is less time-consuming, and offers skills to use for life once your time with your coach is finished.

By all means, one method is not better than the other, they are just different options to explore. The fact that you are researching different ways to repair your relationship is a big first step. It says so much about you that you want to answer for yourself how to have a happy relationship. You are very courageous, and with the right information, and vision you can succeed while becoming skilled at relationships!

How Getting Coaching Fixed My Relationship for Good

Luckily for my marriage, I finally discovered relationship coaching. Once I understood what it can do, it was like a breath of fresh air. I was going to be able to work on my marriage by myself without my partner, who by now had no interest. But how can one person fix a relationship that two people are involved in you ask? Well, if you’ve ever watched Dancing with the Stars you’ve seen the professional dancer lead the un-trained celebrity in the dance. The couple moves in unison even though only one of the partners is skilled.

It only takes one person to change the dance. When one person becomes skilled in relationships the relationship changes. Once I learned the skills to be successfully married and fixed my broken relationship I knew I wanted to get trained as a coach. I couldn’t wait to share this transformative new way of helping couples avoid painful breakups. For my needs, no one knew that I was working with a coach, the scheduling was very flexible, and it works amazingly well virtually.

By choosing to get coached by myself, I was in no way manipulating my husband by trying to make him a better spouse. Lord knows that when I dragged him to marriage counseling, my secret motivation was to get somebody else on my side that could explain to him how wrong he was about everything. That backfired.

No, this time I did it for myself. Because no matter how this relationship ended up, I knew I was doing everything I could to make it better. Once I committed to that, the amazing man I married showed up again. By now he knows the whole story. He is super grateful that I did what I did to get some relationship skills because it benefited him too. He will always be my dance partner regardless of who is leading!

What has your experience been in trying to repair your relationship? What questions do you have about relationship coaching? Are you looking for some relationship tips you can implement to make your relationship better? I’d love to hear from you and share what I know to support you.