When you feel like your marriage is doomed the thought alone can cause a great deal of worry and fear that something bad will happen. A troubled marriage can be consuming. It causes you to flash forward to all sorts of unfortunate scenarios like your marriage and possibly your family breaking up. It’s no wonder that polls find that 6 in 10 of us are unhappy in our relationships. But what are the warning signs of a troubled marriage?

Are you going through normal things that all marriages experience, or something worse? Here are some of the signs to be on the lookout for. Then you’ll know if your situation requires help and how to get the help you need to turn things around.

1. Communication is Limited or Non-Existent

If communication in your relationship has declined this can be concerning. Sometimes it can feel like there is nothing to talk about besides your work or shared responsibilities. While this isn’t a horrible warning of something to come, be on the lookout for these signs.
If you or your partner are withdrawing by not talking this can be a challenge. Not sharing the details about your life or how you each are feeling isn’t normal. Especially if this information flowed freely at the start of your relationship. If one of both of you is keeping quiet it may be an indication that the respect in your relationship has diminished. AND If conversations aren’t limited to keep the peace as a cold war/silent war starts each time you get into a disagreement. Help is needed.

Communication and respect are like oxygen in marriages. Going without means your marriage could soon be on life support.

2. Not Spending Time Together

If you and your husband aren’t spending time together even when you are both home that isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes we each need time alone to replenish, but there should be time to come together. While you share what is going on with each other.
If you no longer take time to do fun things together and the sex is gone missing from your relationship this is something you need to pay attention to. We all need someone we are close to and share our innermost thoughts and intimacy with.

Sharing your time and intimacy with your partner is vulnerable and it means your relationship must be a safe place to do so.  When the vulnerability from your relationship isn’t present this is a time to take stock of its absence. Marriages suffer when there is a lack of connection.

3. One or Both of You Isn’t Happy

If you feel like some more attention from your spouse would make you happy that’s normal. Occasionally, we all can feel a little needy from time to time. Our partners cannot always know what we need and be responsible for providing it.

However, if you feel unhappy most of the time. Or you are overcome with dread and worry about the relationship. Maybe you know neither one of you is happy. These are symptoms of an unhappy marriage you want to correct.  

When the relationship wears on you mentally, or you are resentful about how you are being treated, or feel your needs aren’t being met these are important signals. But signals to what? That you need to take responsibility for making yourself happy and let your partner take responsibility (or not) for making themselves happy. If getting the right types of self-care to improve your happiness isn’t a part of your daily routine, learning this is essential.

4. How to Turn Things Around if Your Relationship Is in Trouble

Now that you know some of the warning signs of a troubled marriage, you might be thinking what do I do now? Isn’t the fact that he already said it’s over, or he’s said he doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t that mean we are finished?

As hopeless as things may sound, in my experience, none of these things mean the END. Even if you have tried to fix things and nothing worked. Or you aren’t sure he will participate. And even if there is someone else.

What matters is if you have decided you want to remain married. It is possible to still set a vision for your relationship and what you want it to be. Your vision and determination to change are usually all that is needed to stop a relationship’s end in its tracks. So where will you focus as you begin to restore communication and respect, share yourself vulnerably, and start tending to your happiness? The possibilities are endless and I am here to support you if you get lost along the way. I’d love to hear what you think!